Reality for women

Common Dreams has published an article about a traditional wife and mother who wrote a book 25 years ago extolling the life of the homemaker as well as her own choice not to pursue a career outside the home. Now she has written a new book saying she was wrong. What happened?

In a display of spectacular bad taste, [Terry] Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.

She ended up selling her engagement ring to pay for roof repairs and discovering she was eligible for food stamps. Her ex-husband, meanwhile, was holidaying with his new lover in Mexico. Hekker, once a role model for young homemakers, is now rapidly becoming an icon for so-called 'silver divorcees', older women who suddenly find themselves alone without skills and with a much reduced income.
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This is an increasing problem in America. As the population grows steadily older, the divorce rate is growing, especially among the over-50s. One study from the University of Michigan showed that the proportion of women aged between 55 and 60 who divorced jumped from 4.8 per cent in 1970 to 18.7 per cent in 2002. 'The baby-boomers are getting ready to retire. You would expect to see more of this,' said Brette McWhorter Sember, author of Divorce Without War.

Hekker admits her story is partly a lament for the lost concept of marriage for life. Though a self-proclaimed liberal, she believes easier divorce has played largely to the advantage of men. 'Socially, it is acceptable for men to divorce these days. They still get invited to everything. If my father had left my mother the way my husband left me, no one would ever have spoken to him again. Divorce has become a license for men to behave badly,' she said.
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The study found that 22 per cent of divorced women over 65 live in poverty, five times higher than the norm for married women. Experts expect the number of poor elderly divorced women to grow. Employers do not want to hire elderly people, and it is hard to start training for a job when you are almost at retirement age, or even above it. 'It is very, very hard to find a job,' said McWhorter Sember.

Hekker's advice to young American women now could not be more different from that of 25 years ago when she traveled the country extolling the virtues of making good meals, keeping a clean house and bringing up fine children. She still believes that those things are worthwhile, but she is under no illusions about marriage being forever. Today, she says, women have to look out for themselves as well - to prepare 'for being abandoned, so that if you end up alone you will have the skills to look after yourself'.

I know this post is not about my usual subjects on this blog. But I'm sharing with you an article about a real social problem. And a lament. The lament that women need to "prepare for being abandoned." Yes, I know men get abandoned too. But facts are facts. The economic devastation involved is mostly experienced by women. And with the Republicans systematically unraveling the social safety net in this county, that economic reality is going to get even worse.